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Offline Edward Bear

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And then the fight started
« on: February 16, 2013 »
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  • ____         My wife and I were watching Who Wants To
                                         Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
              I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
              'No,' she answered. I then said,
              'Is that your final answer?'
              She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
              So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
              And that's when the fight started...
             ________________________________
     
              I took my wife to a restaurant.
              The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
              "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
              He said, Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
              "Nah, she can order for herself."
              And that's when the fight started.....
             _______________________________
     
              My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion,
                                     And she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as
                                     He sat alone at a nearby table.
     
              I asked her, "Do you know him?"
     
              "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took
                                       To drinking right after we split up those many years ago,
                                         And I hear he hasn't been sober since."
              "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
                                        Celebrating that long?"
              And then the fight started...
             ________________________________
     
                                     My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
              She asked, "What's on TV?"
              I said, "Dust."
              And then the fight started...
             ________________________________
     
              Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
                                      Lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage.  I hooked up the
                                      Boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
                                     Downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the
                                     Garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would
                                     Be bad all day.
     
              I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
                                     I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and
                                     Whispered,  "The weather out there is terrible."
              My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my
                                     Stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
              And that's how the fight started...
             _______________________________
     
              My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
              She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 250 in about 3 seconds."
                              I bought her a bathroom scale.
              And then the fight started......
             ______________________________
     
              After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
              The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
              I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. 
                                     I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come
                                     Back later.
              The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
              So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
              She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed                                     my Social Security application.
              When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. 
                                       She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
              And then the fight started...
             ________________________________
                                 My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
              She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
              "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.  I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
              I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
              And then the fight started........
             ___________________ _____________
     
    I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
    The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
    He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
    So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
    That's how the fight started.