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Author Topic: A quick smiler for the girls  (Read 2054 times)

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Offline Edward Bear

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  • Location: Santiago del Teide
A quick smiler for the girls
« on: March 04, 2010 »
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  • Husband asks his wife 'how many men have you slept with?' wife proudly answers ' only you my darling......
    with all the others I was awake!.

    LaCochinillo

    Re: A quick smiler for the girls
    « Reply #1 on: March 06, 2010 »
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  • After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
    The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing My curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is Proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
    She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too.'
    And then the fight started...

    Offline cs

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    Re: A quick smiler for the girls
    « Reply #2 on: March 06, 2010 »
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  • My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels.
    She asked, 'What's on TV?'
    I said, 'Dust.'

    And then the fight started...
    ******************************************
     
    My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we
    were in bed.
    I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered.
    I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me
    this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a
    friend."

    And then the fight started.....
     
    ******************************************
     
    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
    slipped quietly into the garage.. I hooked up the boat to the van, and
    proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing
    50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
    discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the
    house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my
    wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The
    weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can
    you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

    And that's how the fight started...
     
     
    ******************************************
     
    I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
    and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
    you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,
    well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my
    car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!" So, I looked down
    at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

    And then the fight started......
     
    *****************************************
    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
    She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
    seconds.'
    I bought her a bathroom scale.

    And then the fight started...
    ******************************************
     
    When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place
    expensive....
    so, I took her to a gas station.

    And then the fight started...

    ******************************************
    My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept
    staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
    nearby table.
    My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
    'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
    drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
    hasn't been sober since..'
    'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
    celebrating that long?'

    And then the fight started...
    ******************************************
    I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my
    order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please." He said,
    "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for
    herself."

    And then the fight started...
    ******************************************
    A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not
    happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I
    look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The
    husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

    And then the fight started.....