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Author Topic: "Dear employees"  (Read 2403 times)

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Offline Dolly Diver

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"Dear employees"
« on: March 01, 2009 »
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  • Dear employees,

    Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the
    economy,Management has decided to implement a scheme to
    put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This
    scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
    Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible
    for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

    Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed
    under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).
    A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as
    many times as Management deems appropriate.

    Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for
    Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel
    Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be
    SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

    Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much I am an idiot
    (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided
    itself on the amount of I am an idiot it gives employees.. Should you feel that you
    do not receive enough I am an idiot, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor.They
    have been trained to give you all the I am an idiot you can handle.