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Let's all have a laugh / one for the ladies
« Last post by Edward Bear on February 07, 2018 »


An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam...I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old.    I just bought this hat yesterday!

Let's all have a laugh / How to deal with an emergency
« Last post by Edward Bear on February 07, 2018 »
One dark night outside Mundare, a small town East of Edmonton, Alberta, a fire started inside the local sausage plant and in a blink it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments from miles around. When the local volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved and I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact." But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.

Soon more fire departments from surrounding towns had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files. Then, from a distance, a lone siren was heard as one more fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Smoky Lake rural township volunteer fire department composed mainly of Ukrainians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Ukrainians, passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.


Outside, the other firemen watched as the Ukrainian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire from the inside with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Smoky Lake old-timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.


The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, Ukrainian firefighters. The Edmonton TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film, asking, "What are you going to do with all that money?"


" Vell," said Nick Sputski, the 70-year-old fire chief, "da furst thing vee gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking trock."

Local Restaurant Guide / Re: Charlie's Bistro
« Last post by pilgrim on February 07, 2018 »
That is a shame. But you must do what your conscious tells you.
Please continue to be honest in your opinions.
And if you are offered free meals at Charlie's as a way to influence you, please don't sign the acceptance card. The writing is very small and in Spanish, and contains a non disclosure agreement that will see you financially taken for hundreds of Euros.
I cannot say how I know this.
But I can say that Charlie's Bistro has to be the best Restaurant on Tenerife.
Local Restaurant Guide / Re: Charlie's Bistro
« Last post by magsnmike on February 07, 2018 »
Hi Pilgrim.  I will not message you the name.  The person knows who they are and I hope that is the end of it.  I have reported it to the administrator. 
Local Restaurant Guide / Re: Charlie's Bistro
« Last post by pilgrim on February 07, 2018 »
Magsnmike, thank you for your openness and exposing the under handness of some individual. They are trying to stop our opinions. Can you please Private Message me with the name of the person who does not want us to speak our minds.
I promise you Mags I will not compromise you.
Please continue to speak as you find.
God Bless
Let's all have a laugh / Re: Confused
« Last post by pilgrim on February 07, 2018 »
It will change, there is common sense politics coming over from America at the moment. And many new elections shortly in old and new Europe, with forgotten parties re-emerging-perhaps only briefly, but long enough to worry the current incumbents. There seems to me to be a natural balance, that somehow every few years/decades, the main stream parties remember that people like you Edward and myself and many other millions are the glue that keep us and the status quo together in a civilised democratic society.
Local Restaurant Guide / Re: Charlie's Bistro
« Last post by magsnmike on February 07, 2018 »
How sad is this. I have been sent this by someone on this subject as a private message.  Here is me thinking its a public website and we are all entitled to our honest and entitled opinions.

"Please do not give Pilgrim an excuse to bang on any further.  You came to the party late as it all started on another thread but Pilgrim would never admit to being wrong.  Charlie's is one of the best and everyone that spends time in LG like Jason and Bernard.  Ibericos I agree is excellent too and most would agree with you.  Did it this way in a vain attempt not to allow Pilgrim to preach any more - his wife must be a saint"
Local Restaurant Guide / Re: Charlie's Bistro
« Last post by unhappy on February 07, 2018 »
Arr Pilgrim and I thought you did not care.
Let's all have a laugh / Re: Confused
« Last post by Tanemera on February 07, 2018 »

As if all this nonsense wasn’t enough to deal with… I’m not sure which restroom to go into..............

Maybe you should move to Uxbridge". I understand Weatherspoons have Unisex toilets there.
Let's all have a laugh / Confused
« Last post by Edward Bear on February 07, 2018 »

I used to think I was just a regular person, but I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist.

I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today's standards, makes me a fascist.

I am heterosexual, which now makes me a homophobe.

I am mostly non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.

I was christened by my parents (who were married, in a church and remained married until they died), which now labels me as an infidel.

 I am older than 65 and retired, which makes me useless.

I think and I reason, therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.

I am proud of my heritage which makes me a xenophobe.

I value my safety and that of my family and I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual's merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.

I (and most of the folks I know), acquired a fair education without student loan debts and little or no debt at graduation, which makes me some kind of an odd underachiever.

I believe in the defence and protection of the homeland for and by all citizens and I honour those who served in the Armed Forces, which now makes me a right wing-militant.

Please help me come to terms with the new me… because I'm just not sure who the hell I am anymore! I would like to thank all my friends for sticking with me through these seemingly abrupt, new found changes in my life and my thinking! I just can't imagine or understand what's happened to me so quickly!

Funny …it’s all just taken place over the last 7 or 8 years!

As if all this nonsense wasn’t enough to deal with… I’m not sure which restroom to go into..............

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