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Author Topic: Cement Factory Nightmayor  (Read 2929 times)

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Falstaff

Cement Factory Nightmayor
« on: March 31, 2009 »
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  • I have just read this alarming news report on the other local news website ( the one we can't mention). I've copied it here in full below.  It sounds like a complete nightmare.

    The  Ayuntamiento  of the tiny Santiago del Teide municipality on the island of Tenerife has snatched an important industrial development away from rival Councils on Tenerife vying to locate a  major state of the art cement factory  which will be fuelled by dried sewage.  The controversial site chosen for the proposed new factory is high up on top of the famous Los Gigantes cliffs.

    Announcing the coup  in a  press conference today, Mayor Juan Damian Gorrin  explained that the idea to go after the proposed factory  came from a detailed long term strategic review of the   municipality's   manufacturing base.   

    ?The idea came to me last year when I  travelled  to Guia  to buy some bags of cement which made a mess in my car on the journey home. I thought,  if we had our own factory here in Santiago del Teide, then this problem would not happen again. So the idea was born.?

    Mayor Gorrin praised the efforts of the Council's negotiating team involved in bringing the factory to Los Gigantes. In particular, he thanked  Councillor Stephen Gerald McKenna for his tireless work on the project.

    ?Without Councillor McKenna this would not have been possible. It was his clever plan to merge  my idea  into the Council's tourism strategy by using the cement factory to bring cruise ships to Los Gigantes.?

    Mayor Gorrin explained, ?there will be a conveyor belt  at the foot of the cliffs to take materials  (including dried sewage) to and from the cement factory at the top.  We have negotiated a major concession from the cement company for visiting cruise ships whereby the ships will anchor  beneath the cliffs and tourist will be transported  on the conveyor belt up to the factory where they can  purchase  gift wrapped 25 kilo souvenir bags of cement.  Councillor McKenna is about to consult with the   major cruise operators  about this idea and we are confident that they will be as excited as we are about our plans. We think that when they see the  details  they will wet themselves?

    He added, ?the  Ayuntamiento has also signed long leases on duty free retail premises at the island's airports to sell the  gift wrapped 25 kilo souvenir bags of cement to departing tourists and we will start the ball rolling with a ?buy one, get two free? promotion. It has such huge potential for the tourist industry of the municipality and it is such a simple idea that I cannot think why no one has thought of it before.?

    The company behind the factory  is an established  Moroccan cement manufacturer.  On completion of the factory there will be 800 full time jobs according to Mayor Gorrin.

    ?OK?, said Mayor Gorrin, ?there will be many Moroccan workers here living in Los Gigantes but we negotiated long and hard with the company and they have guaranteed that at least 4 jobs will be filled by local people. They cannot go back on that  promise now. We have it in writing.  We have also extracted from the company an undertaking  that when the building work is finished, the Ayuntamiento  can have  the building site's canteen  equipment free of charge. We had to tough it out with the cement company to win  this important concession. They knew we would not move from this position and we were prepared to walk away, so they had to agree. So there are many winners  here and no losers.  The citizens of the municipality should  feel very proud of their Ayuntamiento.?

    An artist's impression of the new cement factory is shown below.

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    grockle

    Re: Cement Factory Nightmayor
    « Reply #1 on: March 31, 2009 »
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  • Ooh ! Shock and horror !!  :D

    It will be very handy for bags of cement though.  Thanks Falstaff, a real scoop.  :o

    orange

    Re: Cement Factory Nightmayor
    « Reply #2 on: March 31, 2009 »
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  • We all know who the April Fool is now...

    Offline Julie Scott

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    Re: Cement Factory Nightmayor
    « Reply #3 on: March 31, 2009 »
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  • My thoughts exactly Orange....  it's a day early though??

    julieann x x x

    Offline Dolly Diver

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    Re: Cement Factory Nightmayor
    « Reply #4 on: March 31, 2009 »
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  • Good one Falstaff

    Falstaff

    Re: Cement Factory Nightmayor
    « Reply #5 on: April 01, 2009 »
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  • The day started with such good intentions to contribute to the news content of this website but unfortunately due to an excess of  shots and cheap beer in the Bamboo bar,  I succumbed to the greed instinct. I regret to say that Orange is absolutely right. I am that April fool having been been duped by these two con men in the Bamboo Bar posing as the Mayor and Councillor McKenna.

    What  a fool I have been. What else can I say.  Mrs Falstaff and I  have invested what remains of our savings in what now transpires to be a  fraudulent cement  scam, leaving us with many tonnes of cement at Tenerife South airport.  I should have smelt a rat when I detected a Livepool  twang to  their Spanish and Scottish accents.

    If you recognise these two con men who yesterday boarded the  1600 hours Liverpool bound Ryanair  flight then please notify  the Guardia Civil to claim your reward (50 bags of cement).

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    « Last Edit: April 01, 2009 by Falstaff »